Redemption

Feb 9

Chasing thoughts down a rabbit hole,

Losing to darkness, fearful of letting go;

If I keep going – Will anyone know?

Would anyone see?

Will they care if I stayed here?

In places I shouldn’t be.

In attempt to kill my disfigured part’s;

Sacrificing myself one last time.

Burying my head in concrete, to silence the sounds

Of lost memories.

My ears full; though nothing cures the agony within,

And pressure builds.

How deep must I go to dig this wellspring

Of new hopes?

Dreams I lay to rest, putting to death all new old things.

Romanticizing – never helps, it too never lasts.

And only binds me to what was, misplacing myself

Adrift in the sea of all that has passed;

Carving out my eyes, I toss them to the birds below,

In attempt to lose sight of all I once knew.

As water takes over, filling my soul

They too once were so forgiving – and too – now are so cold.

I cannot see.

I cannot hear.

Oh, how I wish I could not feel – maybe then I would learn to let go.

Maybe then I would know redemption.

If only I was as numb as you have always been,

To the tears I am stained in,

To the blood I have drained for all the pain I have birthed,

To the wooden floors I’ve collapsed into,

To the steal lodged between my shoulder blades, Maybe;

Just maybe, I’d heal one of these days.

Rosebush