Salt
January 2019, Film
At 23 years old, I have an understanding about how people interact with women who look like me. Meeting new people, I will expect my appearance to be the first topic or question starting our conversation. My interpretation of all the conversations that did start with my appearance, is that the most interesting thing they could learn about me is “what I am” and not who I am. I don't know the exact number of times this conversation has happened, but it’s happened enough to the point where I do expect it. I am not allowed to think otherwise, the first things that come to my mind when entering a conversation with people who are new to me is – Will they ask? Will they comment? Will my skin be a topic of discussion?
I still struggle with being the only black person in almost all of my daily settings. When it is something I fight to be comfortable with, it is not necessary for someone else to mention it. It is like a salt in the wound. I don't think about the color of my skin as something other, bad, or foreign, until the stares in the room I enter into, make me think otherwise, and then I begin to feel I do not belong. If you had a stain on your shirt that you did not realize was there, and someone came and pointed it out to you. You might feel embarrassed and you might think you need to change your shirt as soon as possible. I cannot leave and come back another color. I cannot change the pigmentation of my skin, and I should never feel the need to.
When I have been the only black friend in the room and I realize I am simply there for diversity and not for who I am. It is simply another example of the dehumanization of people of color. "Kelsey, get in this picture we need some diversity." Being used as a prop, to help my white friends not look racist is one of them. Being introduced to the only other “POC” in the room for the obvious reason,"I know you will get along" translating to “You’re both black! You’ll be friends”, and a comment I have heard too often. Brown skin does not mean who we are as people match, because our skin tones match. To assume that all white people are the same is wrong, so why is it not wrong to assume the same for black people? I remember being paired up with a guy romantically before I even met him, his name was JohnPaul. Ironically the name my white fiance has. They told him I was interested when I had no idea who he was, or what he even looked like. But, he was the only other black person and man in the community I was a part of in Huntington Beach, California, and they thought we would obviously fall in love. The polite racism of America and our white communities is exhausting.
Polite racism is, “You are so exotic” , “You’re really pretty for being black”, “You’re not like other black people, you’re like one of us”, or even “You’re not black. You’re practically white!” We have defaced black people of their African beauty, culture, and honor since they took their first steps onto the wooden ships that later landed in Virginia, in 1704. Exotic is a dehumanizing, oversexualized comment that only people of color have to navigate. Being black and beautiful is nothing our culture can accept or appreciate so we label it as exotic, as something “other.” Black intelligence is “acting white” or “speaking white”, simply because you cannot be black and be classy or intelligent.
My mother told me this story about a woman arguing with her when I was just a baby. She would not believe that I was half black, she would not believe it. She said I was too cute, had too nice of hair and was too light to be black. Like a lot of people in the United States, I am mixed with many, many races. Being adopted I never really knew what I was. A friend of mine gifted me a my heritage DNA kit and I was very excited, I sent in my saliva swab and got my results back in the matter of weeks. My dominant DNA racially was surprisingly European, at 56.5%. The largest clear percentage under European was 20.9% Scandinavian DNA. Following is 10% North and Western Europe, 9.7% Greek and Southern Italian, 8.2% Iberian, and 7.7% Balkan referring to Eastern European countries. My African heritage is a 42.6% and is made up of 16% Nigerian, 12.4% Sierra Leonean, 10.8% Kenyan and untraceable 3.4% West African DNA. Interestingly enough I also have a .9% Nepali influence that I am very proud of.
Sometimes I can understand why I am asked “What are you?”, because I didn’t know myself. Many black, and biracial people in the United States do not know where their family lineage originates and it may even be untraceable, due to hundreds of years of African slavery and the slave trade. Africans were stripped of their homes, families, heritage, culture, and land. Today black Americans generationally carry that sorrow, and misfortune through many racist systems. I think culturally we have to be sensitive on the issues of race especially, the white people who are typically the ones to bring it up or weaponize it. You do not ask an orphan where his parents are, or how they died. You do not make fun of the orphan for being an orphan. You do not tell the orphan to get over it, and to move on. Why do we ask black people, “What are you?”, like they could be anything other than human. Why do we tell black people “To get over slavery”. Why do we insist black people are not allowed the right to speak of the racism they endure daily.
When I meet a white person I don't think to ask them "What type of white are you?” or “If you're white, why is your hair curly and dark?” or “If you’re from the United States, why are you white and not Native American?” That would be exceptionally rude of me, and I would only expect someone to call me out on it. POC receive questions like this on a daily basis, at every gathering, and every public outlet. It is simply, rude and unnecessary to think you have the right to intrude into someone’s family history so deeply. It is white entitlement over black and brown people and it has to end immediately.
White people probably do get asked about what kind of white they are, asked about their ethnicity, culture or even experience ridiculous stereotypical questions. I'm only speaking on behalf of people of color, because they have endured harsh treatment because of their race, skin color and hair textures. People of color deal with systemic racism in every breath they breathe. We have to stop this madness, and it starts with identifying our racist culture and ending the dehumanization of black people. People who are living their lives as best as they can, in a country they built that was never for them. So for all of the POC out there, this one’s for you.
Dear white people, it has come to our (POC) attention that you may think it is appropriate for you to comment on our skin, grab, touch and pull our "exotic" curly hair, and remind us we are literally the black sheep in the room. Let me remind you, the hair you are reaching for is attached to and growing out of another human who enjoys their personal space as much as you do. The questions and comments you have about our skin color and ethnicity should be kept to yourself, if ignorant, unkind, thoughtless, or inappropriate. Please be aware of the person under the skin color you're fixated on, before you say a word regarding it. Thank you.
ex·ot·ic
iɡˈzädik/
adjective
1.originating in or characteristic of a distant foreign country."exotic birds" synonyms:foreign, nonnative, tropical;
