Magic of Christmas

Reflecting in amber lighting, alone on Christmas Eve.

This year has been so many things I never expected it to be.

I remember 7; Sitting beneath the family Christmas tree,

Eager for what was coming next.

I could not wait to see, so I’d begin to guess;

Shaking each box and imagining what it could be,

Wishing for another item I did not need.

And now, at 27 all I can think of is what I need,

Not what I want.

Not what is next, but what is in the present.

I’ve operated too long in desire, and at what cost?

I want and have enough, I fear my hearts become lost.

I need arms that surround me and never let me go,

Hands who hold me and a love that gently and steadily molds me.

Just 20 years ago, I was a girl who knew the magic of Christmas,

What it all meant to have holiday cheer.

Though this year, I fear she is no longer here.

A somber Christmas, this one is indeed.

Because, I have all that I want but nothing I need.